Do you quite often come across a situation or a time when you get so angry that you end up hurting people you care for? The effects of anger on relationships can be such that, that it can cause irrevocable damages to your relationships.
Being angry constantly can cost you both socially and emotionally. Hostile, angry people are less likely to have healthy supportive relationships and friends than the less hostile. Hostile people are also more likely to be depressed, and they are more likely to become abusive towards others.
When I look back into my past, I find that my quick temper has played a huge role in ruining my relationships. I never realized that my anger and hostile behavior is causing me so much harm and taking me away from my loved ones.
But, now I am a mature human being. I have learned my lessons hard. I believe that sharing my life experiences may provide you an insight to anger issues if you have any and may save you a big time before it is too late.
The Effects Of Anger On Relationships
1. I never acknowledged and validated it.
Anger is a normal emotion. It’s one of the core emotions of a human being. It stems out from feeling hurt, shame, sadness, anxiousness, depression, or powerlessness.
The major effect of anger was that it was getting out of control and was finding trouble calming down.
Part of my problem lied in my childhood, where my anger was not validated by my parents. It was shamed and that led to further emotional outbursts. I gradually learned to come to terms with the fact that it is normal to be angry when things don’t go according to you.
2. Anger can let you have what u want (wrongly learned).
I grew up with parents who often had fights and arguments with each other. I saw them yelling, abusing, and screaming at each other every other day. Hearing such words became a common thing for me while growing up, and probably this style of communication got rooted in my unconscious. These deep-seated habits don’t go away so easily.
In my childhood, I always had a winning hand on arguments or fights with my sister as I always ended up being dominant over her by yelling and screaming at her. This made me think that I could get away with anything I wanted by getting angry with others.
But that’s not the case. It’s a misconception, over a while, when my sister grew distant and indifferent towards me, I realized that anger wins you nothing. It only leads you towards losing something valuable.
3. Anger ruined the relationship with my spouse
Anger can become a problem when it comes out as aggression. This might be because we find feelings of anger overwhelming or hard to control. Anger affects a person’s daily life and can ruin your relationships causing irrevocable damages.
The effects of anger on relationships, are no less.
The relationship between a husband and a wife is delicately framed on the pillars of faith trust, understanding, and communication. During the journey of life, couples may come across many situations and circumstances where they might have a difference of opinions. Trying to reach an agreement or win an argument, couples often end up fighting to turn abusive and hostile towards each other.
Like any other couple, we were no different. But I have to admit that the guilt lies on my side. As I said anger is a deep-seated habit which does not go away easily, at every possible instance I would go on anger outburst attacking and yelling at my husband. No one likes being attacked, physically, or verbally.
I felt terrible, but could not see the situation clearly or accurately understand my emotions. Anger had become almost an uncontrollable thing for me. I couldn’t see the wrong I had been doing until and unless it was too much to hold on for my husband and he said that he had enough of it and its time to reconsider our relationship as it is not working anymore.
The very thought, of my husband moving away from me, made my world shatter as I loved him deeply. Thinking about the pain of separation, contemplating deeply on my anger issues made me realize that our disputes can also be resolved by expressing my anger productively without insulting my partner. Those emotions can contribute to having a productive dialogue.
I am glad I realized this problem, worked on it, and managed to save my relationship just in time. Find out how making the right choices can bring happiness to your life.
4. Anger created a void between me and my kids
Angry people have cynical attitudes toward others as they don’t realize the impact of their behavior on others. I behaved the same way in anger.
My kids meant the world to me. Despite having immense and unconditional love for them, I was doing no good to them. I never realized that I was pushing my lovely kids away from me.
The effects of anger on relationships – with my kids
- My lingering angry behavior made my children panic-stricken and anxious.
- They started staying more guarded and aloof and avoided coming to me to share their problems.
- It created a void in our relationship.
- My hostile behavior was hindering my kids’ mental and emotional development.
As a parent, it was my responsibility to protect them from such unhealthy exposure. This could lead to a host of personality-related problems like teenage tantrums, hostile behavior, and, abusiveness when they grow up.
I made my realization, but only after making my kids undergo a lot of mental trauma. This filled me with an enormous feeling of guilt and agony. It took me some time to gain back my kids’ confidence in me and convert this relationship back to a jovial one. It required strong determination and will power to overcome such an awful habit.
5. Anger started affecting my health adversely
The effects of anger on health can be severe and can cost you significantly.
- Anger led to high blood pressure, anxiety, and constant headache.
- Anger made my immune system weak and made me feel sick more often.
- I had lost my appetite and found difficulty in sleeping.
- It was a sign that I might be experiencing sadness, depression, or another mental health problem.
- My declining health started affecting my daily routine as I was not able to run errands and even do my regular household chores.
- Besides that, depression was also killing me from inside because of which I had lost interest in almost everything in my life.
6. The most important thing - HOW to deal with Anger
The key thing to remember concerning anger is that there are both productive and destructive ways to express anger. Anger can help get us through hard feelings and situations and motivate us to change things we don’t like about our life.
Learning to be aware of our anger and to express it securely is an important part of good mental health. Anger should be managed rather than ignored.
I learned to cope up with my anger and use it in a healthy way.
If you feel angry constantly and you have trouble controlling it, there are lots of things you can do to help healthily manage this:
- Learn to be more mindful and aware of your emotional state. Pay attention to feelings of anger when they are mild, evaluate where they are coming from, and decide rationally the best course of action.
- Try keeping things from getting too heated as it is impossible to take back things you regret saying or doing later.
- Think about the things that regularly trigger your anger. This might help you to avoid those things in the future or react differently when they happen.
- Learn self-management strategies and relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga, listening skills, and being able to see things from the other person’s perspective.
- Involve yourself in your favorite hobby to keep yourself occupied. Go cycling or swimming with your kids. These activities will help you relax your stressed nerves.
- Indulge in activities that give you joy and happiness, like playing with your kids and socializing with your friends.
If you are still struggling with anger that is negatively impacting your relationships, then probably you need to see a therapist and possibly participate in an anger management program.
Krishna is a Management graduate in Human Resource. She is an avid reader, knowledge seeker, and an adoring mother of two lovely kids.